Life can be pretty funny- although sometimes you have to dig deep to find the humour. Often, people donít get it. Have you ever been asked ďWhy are men like that?Ē as if you should know the answer? Why does my family laugh if I injure myself? Why should a man never be trusted to shop for clothes on his own? From the dawn of civilization, we have pondered these mysteries: Could a being as uncomplicated as a husband have found the key? Nah, but he has fun tryingÖ
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
False Advertising? The Debate Rages on!
While I normally get absorbed into the wet-wipe of my existence as far as issues go, apparently there is a discussion on the go.
Tertia(insert world-famous fanfare here) told me about it. MiM and her friend Homesick got it started.
From what I understand, (heck, I am a man, communication isnít my forte), the debate is this : Does a woman putting on weight/ letting herself go after marriage constitute false advertising?
In case You are reading over my shoulder, Neen, this debate does not concern you, since you are seemingly on tap at the fountain of youth. (I have to say things like that or she may strike me.)
Men, I guess- not being a spokesperson for all men- seem to be quite looks-driven in the initial stages of a relationship. Whether this extends to marriage or if they marry their Ďmothersí is a different debateÖ Of course a man would love to be involved with a beautiful woman. But he also wants her to adore him. He doesnít want to fight off other guys now that he has chosen his partner.
This isnít working. I can only speak for myself:
I want my wife to be happy with the way she looks. I find obsession with looks very boring. I am happy to share our bank account when it comes to buying clothes, and donít resent her expenditure. I would like her to spend more- I probably spend more on clothes than she does.
I donít expect my wife to remain the same shape forever. I think motherhood has enhanced her beauty. Sure, having a bit of pride in oneís appearance is important, but not when it becomes an obsession. Wear a tracksuit (sweatsuit)- just chuck it out if it has stains or holes. If she is happy, I am happy. I think that women tend to overthink the whole weight thing. (Sure, so some guy called you fatso or skinny when you were twelve, but, gees, move on already)
A confident woman is beautiful. A happy woman is beautiful. I didnít purchase my wife, nor is she a possession. I consider myself very very lucky: The teenager with a self-conscious shyness that I met 17 years ago has turned into the most amazing person. My best friend. False advertising? That is like saying I thought I was buying a Beemer and I ended up with a skateboard, when in fact it is the other way around: How could I have known how great Neen would turn out?
*Non-personal advice: If you feel unhappy- do something practical about it- go to a gym, (please not some useless celebrity diet) or go and buy some new clothes. Get a haircut. It is not how it is cut that is important: just that you are doing something new. Also: Men: you are not exempt- keep active, buy your own clothes for crying out loud, and donít just trade your wife in for the secretary/younger version if you arenít happy. It is your job to encourage your wife, to keep that romance going. Who knows, you could find yourself a beneficiary of false advertising.
Check out their sites- see what you think.
Posted at 09:12 pm by SGDBlog
March 24, 2006 08:40 PM PST
Can you come over here and give classes to all these males that don't seem to share your opinion ... PLEASE?! I know several that I can personally sign up. Well, I KNEW them ... and they never had a clue. Thus the past tense.
March 24, 2006 07:54 PM PST
Actually, Mim, I agreed with your post- I think you had the right attitude, it was just the way I was introduced to the whole thing was by way of Tertia calling it False advertising- that kinda struck a note with me, and I responded to that.
No personal criticism was meant of you or anyone else. Hope I didn't come acroass as hating you or anything.
March 24, 2006 06:51 AM PST
Thanks L. I read your other bits- I wasn't trying to criticise you guys, but rather offer my own opinion. Thanks so much for coming by!
March 23, 2006 11:30 PM PST
Howdy there. You don`t know me, I don`t know you. I am one of the women you linked above --not MIM, but the one whose husband didn`t bring me to his office Christmas party. I am now searching with great fascination to see how far and wide my little snippet of a post has traveled.
For the record, my husband is Japanese, and wives usually aren`t invited to Japanese office parties. I didn`t include much background in my post, because people who regularly read my blog know this, and know my family. I can understand why some of the thousands of strangers reading that one post are now heaping scorn on my husband (and me), and I agree that based only on what I wrote there, he deserves it. In retrospect, though, I wish I had provided more context.
I invite you to read my two follow-up posts on the weight issue.
Or, if you`re not interested, don`t.
March 23, 2006 11:51 AM PST
Oh man - Now I like you even more!! My husband shares your views btw
March 23, 2006 06:20 AM PST
And thank you for saying sweet things, MamaC.- Doesn't it frighten you that wives seem to think that they are posessions? Scary!
March 23, 2006 04:45 AM PST
God bless you! I've been reading all this but remaining silent because I was taught if you don't have nice things to say, don't say anything. You are the first person who has said that your wife isn't a possesion.
"False advertising? That is like saying I thought I was buying a Beemer and I ended up with a skateboard, when in fact it is the other way around: How could I have known how great Neen would turn out?"
This is brilliance and from this - only the first post I've ever read on your site - I can tell that not only are you lucky to have your wife, she's lucky to have you, too.
March 23, 2006 01:19 AM PST
Well, well. Isn't THIS an interesting topic?
I agree, that a man OR woman needs to first feel good about themself, then the inner beauty will outshine any physical "shortcomings".
As far as letting oneself "go" after marriage being false advertising? What's next? Appearance pre-nups? Penalties for saddlebags? Boob loss? Love handles? "folicular challenges"?